Who am I?

"Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing." James 1: 2 - 4

I've thought for a long time about joining the blogosphere, and other occupations have continually trumped this desire. The time has come, though. For the first time in twelve years, my writing outlet is not occupied by papers, due dates, deadlines, or grading, and two months after my dissertation and first book was completed, I found myself - mother of four children (one with very special emotional needs), foster parent, director / grant writer for a fledgling non-profit, and woman struggling to overcome an overwhelming and sometimes debilitating disease - unbelievably...ridiculously...bored. And I wondered, how could this possibly be? How could I have such a wealth of things to do in front of me, how could I have so many interests and passions,how could I know in my soul how short this life really is, how could I be surrounded by such beauty and still be so selfishly dissatisfied?

And then I started doing what a dear friend of mine encouraged me to do: "Listen to what God is whispering to your heart." My heart, my heart...What is God whispering to my heart? And when I listened hard - really, really hard - I could hear what God has been whispering to me since I was a little girl sitting in a closet, a corner,or anywhere quiet writing stories and poems in my cow-print journal, "You are a writer; you have always been a writer." So I write.

Now, God gave me all of the necessary implements to physically produce sound and to communicate through speech, but in the written word, He has given me my voice, and I am forever and ever grateful.

So who am I? This me, this mom, this wife, this daughter, this sister, this teacher, this learner, this writer is not who I am but is the He in me, and in these various trials, in the pressing darkness that makes us desperately, painfully ache inside, I consider it all joy as the He in me makes me, and will ever continue to make me, complete.