Forcing the New Habit

I'm writing today because I am being led to craft this into a habit, and I know that to make something a habit, I have to commit to completing the task even when I would really like to do something else (sleep, for instance). For me, though, making a new habit like writing is just like eating better or exercising more - I just have to do it, so here I am. So, if there are any regular readers (of the five whole posts I have written so far) out there, you might want to skip today as I don't have a whole lot to say, and today might be more "Dear Diary" than writing with any kind of goal or audience in mind. And if I'm writing just for me today, it will be good for me to look back through this over the next few weeks.

Tony got hurt today. He doesn't get hurt very often, but when he does, it always seems to be pretty bad. He was just picking up a tire and twisted poorly and now his belly button seems a little sideways along with his entire pelvis. He's moving slowly and in real, obvious pain. This, today, has reversed our roles pretty precisely. For the last year, four months and twenty days, Tony has told me almost daily to sit down or go to bed when he can read the weariness etched into my body before my spirit is ready to be still. I get frustrated with my limitations, which sometimes comes out toward him. Today I got to stand in his shoes for a moment and he in mine. It was so difficult to see him hurt and to not be able to do what he wanted to do. I wanted to jump in, to fix it, to help him rest. I felt like I knew exactly what he needed to do and that I could take care of the rest. He, like me on so many days, just wanted to continue doing the best he could to do what he had to do today, unassisted and un-bossed around. This is, perhaps, a microcosm for dealing with others' pain in general. What I wish I had done - what I should have done - to comfort my husband was be with him where he was and to help when he asked. What I need to do when I'm the one struggling is to let him take care of me sometimes...It hurts not to be able to help.

I've never been very good at being there for others when they are suffering. I always feel I don't have the right words. I'm awkward and either overspeak or speak too little. So sometimes I avoid people in their pain, thinking, "Maybe they just need their space", when I should be running toward them. I think what I've learned today is that sometimes the best thing we can do for others in their pain is just to be with them, to make our lives stop for a moment so we can intersect with someone else's. God's comfort to Israel and Jesus's comfort to us is the very idea of "being with". It's the last word Jesus gives in Matthew: "Surely I am with you always, even to the end of the age." Sometimes the best thing we can do is sufferers is to allow someone to care in the best way they know how, and to truly be blessed by their service as this, too, pleases God.

Lord, please open my eyes to opportunities for "being with" those around me. Please help me become a better reciever of service as it blesses you to see us honoring one another. Please bless my sweet husband in his recovery. Thank you so much for being with us in our sufferings. Amen.